March 30 - Progress
Sometimes I suck at enjoying my own accomplishments. Sometimes I don't even realize my own accomplishments. Take CLTIVATE , for example:
This thing started on 8-1-2016. By "started", I mean that's when I had the idea. It was nothing but an idea. There was no website, there was no Instagram account, and most of my friends & contacts didn't even know I had been sober for over a year. I hadn't really shared my story with anyone, outside of AA.
Fast forward 8 months to today, and we've got almost 4,000 incredibly supportive Instagram followers, 336 individuals who have either donated or bought something from this website, we have a Board of Directors, I've learned a TON about what my gifts are/aren't, and day by day (and night by night - I don't sleep lol), CLTIVATE is growing into exactly what God intended.
In the early stages, I didn't have much of a vision. I just knew that I'm passionate about recovery, I'm on fire for the Lord, I care deeply about helping others find hope, and I'm extremely weird/creative/driven to not be stuck in an office. It took time. It took tears - big, man tears. Prayers on prayers on prayers. There have been moments of pure, honest joy, and moments of complete despair and suicidal thoughts. But through it all...somehow...my needs have been met. Don't get me wrong - it's JUST enough to get by. Never more. Never less. I have days where no one donates anything, and I don't eat. Then there are days where $500 comes in out of nowhere, and I don't even know how to express my gratitude.
The point I'm making here is that I've come a long way, and I need to appreciate that for what it is. Every drop of rain, every bead of sweat, every doubt and fear, every moment of joy, every coffee stain on my carpet, and every new friendship made - is an accomplishment. Every day that I wake up and draw a sober breath is an incredible accomplishment.Let this encourage you. If you're stuck in an office dreaming, let this be proof that you can totally go for it - just make sure to let God do the driving. You can start with nothing but an idea. It doesn't require money. If you need money, skip a meal. If you need more money, skip another meal. If you need a meal, learn to ask for help. Learn to give and expect nothing in return, and I can assure you that good things will come to pass. This life isn't pretty - hell, I'll be living out of my freaking truck in 3 months. But it's WORTH IT. To know that my actions are directly in line with God's will - that's everything.
If you're feeling restless today, that's ok. That's normal. Reflect on your accomplishments (and your "failures") - failures are only failures if you don't get up and keep trying. Think about what drives you, and freaking go for it. Stop caring about what others might think. Stay up until 5am if you have to. No human being is going to hand you the happiness that you want. That comes from God, and it comes from knowing that your actions please Him. Rant. Over. Have an AWESOME day! I had too much coffee ;)